...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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