I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
