seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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