If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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