OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
