Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
