Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
