So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
