so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
MIDGETS
????
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
