at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
