toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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