All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
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Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
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Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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