he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize