Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
