My friends, they love my intelligence
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just googled if crying burns calories
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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