dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
