how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i will never coherently bang her
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
