note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
