While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
