I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
