I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
