I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
