My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
