that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
im six kinds of drunk right now
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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