you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
