I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
