I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
