im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
