HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
