I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
