Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
