I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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