i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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