Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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