You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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