he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
