I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
