Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
