you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
