dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
