I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize