the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
