Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Duck Duck Cougar?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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