why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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