I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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