I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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