is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
