last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
