Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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