Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
wanna go halves on a baby?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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