just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
