Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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