her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
