And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
