I wish I could punch you in the face.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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