just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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