dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
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