Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
