I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
