$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She's the barista slut.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
