The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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