I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
