Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
