I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
organizing the empties. That sober.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
