Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
