I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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