I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Watching her eat just hurts me
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
