Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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