Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
