Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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