he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
