You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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