soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
