I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
