i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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