i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
