the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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