Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
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Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
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Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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