And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
