things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
