i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
