my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she peed on how many people?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize