I'm going to jail i love you
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
