Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
