Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
