Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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