oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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